Listening to: A Static Lullaby- Under Water Knife Fight

Well today is (well, was) Christmas Eve, and my family and I just finished opening presents. I didn't get much but what I did get made me happy all the same!

I ended up getting a like 180 dollar camera (turns out it was free), some clothes, a DVD player.

and this amazing hat! :)

I'm really bad at this blogging thing. I can't remember to do this, and plus I kinda dont really have much of a computer.

But at least this is 3 times in a week.

I guess what I want to talk about for this blog would be controlling people.

And lemme just say...

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CONTROL ME (INSERT EXTREMELY ANGRY FACE WITH STEAM COMING OUT OF ITS EARS HERE)

What really annoys me is how people think that their way of thinking and they have to be a dick to everyone that doesn't believe the same. It's really pointless. I mean honestly, I would seriously hate people copying me with views that were originally mine.

My friend (who shall remain nameless for internet sake) will try and control every aspect of my life, when its really not any of her business. For example, a friend and I got into a little misunderstanding and didn't talk for two weeks, and this extremely joyed my controlling friend to the point of annoyance. And then when we started alking she acted like it was the worst thing in the world. I guess I'm incapable of making my own decisions, because no matter what, there's always someone telling me that I'm wrong. SO ANNOYING.

If I'm going to make a mistake, I will make it myself. I do not need your approval to live my life. This is my one shot, not yours.

I think this dinosaur that I drew should eat controlling and manipulative people.. :)



oh and by the way, this is on one of my shirts of my favorite bands: SAY ANYTHING :D
It's got most of the same things on it, but at the top it says Say Anything in big letters, and theres houses, and more people running, lol.

The Church Channel - Say Anything

NOOO FREAKING PHOTOSHOP!

I need it like desperately, I'm so tired of not having a layout image. I probably go onto my CPanel and figure out why its not working, but then again, I'm too lazy.

If anyone feels like being an awesome and AMAZING person, could they possibly make me a layout image? It would be greatly appreciated.

Okay, so I know I blog maybe once in a bajillion years, but I am really going to try and step it up a notch with at least two a week. :]

But there really hasn't been much going on with me besides school. I have no life. -.-

I really really really need to do a new layout but my computer is still broken and my parents don't plan on buying a new one soon. But then again, CHRISTMAS IS SOON. :)

I just realized that I used a smilie face at the end of each of the other paragraphs.


Buuttttttt Anyyywhooo

School hasn't really been much fun, but then again what else is new? I've finished Drivers Ed/Behind the Wheel, and I get my license in January, so I'm pretty excited.

In my computer class, we've just finished up doing things in Publisher, which is weird because that title of the class is Multimedia and Web Technologies, but now that I think about it, Publisher seems to be under the category of multimedia. We start doing the web tech stuff next week and I'm pretty excited, let's see if I know more than the teacher. :p

English has been actually really easy this year. My teacher is awesome and I end up getting away with a lot of stuff. Like yesterday I asked her what make-up work I had left to do, and it was only thing. I was pretty much shocked considering I don't remember writing half the essays :)

In Geometry, I've pretty much failed. I hate the teacher, and she's so boring so I just turn it into a 90 minute sleeping block. It's great going home well rested hahah.

I talked to my Guidance Counselor about possibly switching to a new Geometry class but it's too late in the semester to do so, and that really stinks because I haven't really learned anything in the 12ish weeks I've been in there. This is sad for me, considering I got A+'s in Algebra last year.



If you comment, I will try my hardest to comment back, but if I do not: I am truly sorry.

Well let's see where to start. I've got so much to say, its crazyyy.

Let's start with the beginning of school.

Well school started almost a month ago, and its hard to believe it's been that long already. I feel like I'm still getting used to the classes and such. I guess that's what i get for being out for a week. (I'll get into that one in a bit)

My first class is really easy, PE/Driver's Ed. Basically all i have to do is drive once a week with an insanely annoying teacher. I'd have to say this has gotta be like my best class haha.

Second class is Multimedia and Web Design. To me, it sounds amazing, but the class is so boring. We're not even doing web design!! And when we do learn the stuff its all going to be in HTML, which is going to suck because i rely mostly on my CSS. The switch is going to be horriffic i think.

Third Class is English. This is actually my favorite class. The teacher is awesome, and we basically do whatever we want in that class. But as for me, I'm the quiet kid in the corner (as usual). But the past two weeks we've read something we've written to the class. Normally, I hate reading in front of a class or something but this was different. It actually gave me a chance to talk about something that's happened to me, or just to share my feelings.

My fourth and final class is Geometry. This has got to be my worst class. I do not understand anything because the teacher is like 2 feet tall (well not exactly) and i do not tune in to what she's saying at all. Yesterday I got my best grade for a quiz and that's a 95, and for me thats bad considering last year in algebra I would get 104s and stuff like that. This teacher needs some better teaching skills..

Okay, now to why I missed an entire week of school.

Well first let me start off by saying that I have Depression, and when I'm depressed I feel very suicidal. Over the summer I wasn't on a very good medicine (zoloft) and it made me think more suicidally (is that a word?) than I normally would on my own. And two sundays ago I just snapped on night. I downed an entire bottle of Klonopin. My parents initially tried to make me throw it up, but I couldn't. So I was rushed to the E.R. where I stayed the night. I didn't even throw up and I didn't have to get my stomach pumped, so I think I picked a bad pill to OD on. But after spending the night in the ER, I was told to go immediately to the Psychiatric hospital that's about an hour and a half away. So when we got home, I packed some clothes and everything I would need, and then we were off. I fell asleep soon in the ride (that or I was just so out of it, I can't remember) and woke up in the parking lot to my home for the next week or so. I walked in the hospital, and do not remember anything until I was in the Admissions room, where I was told to take my shoes off, my sweat pants off, and had to de-string my sweatshirt (all those things had strings, if you didn't pick up on that). Then I was told to strip naked and get into this hospital gown. After that I had to be checked with one of those metal detector things, then I got my clothes back on. The rest of the day was basically a blur, other than maybe 5 things. Those things would have to include, meeting Alyssa, Going to Psycotherapy (favorite part of the day during the whole week), and meeting Matt and Lorin. That's three isn't it? oh well. But during the day we didn't have much free time. We'd wake up, go to group, go to breakfast, go to our rooms to work on issue work, talk to the counselor about the issue work, go watch a movie, phone call, then get ready for lunch, after lunch was game time, then Psycotherapy for us older kids, and I don't remember much of the rest of the day hah.

Psycotherapy was a time where we were away from the younger kids, and we would just talk about all our problems. We'd talk about why we were at the hospital, our families, our relationships. We talked about seriously everything, and it was just a good time to get everything off your chest and talk to people that had the same kinds of problems as you do. It was very therapeautic and I think this was the best part of my recovery.

After a week in the Psych Ward of the hospital, I was allowed to come home. The next day I had school, and my parents were making me go. That was not a fun experience, with everyone just latching on to me and telling me I was stupid for all the things I've done and blah blah blah. I really don't hang out with those people, because 1. I know it was stupid, they don't have to remind me and 2. That's not being very supportive, and that's just not what I need.

But after 2 weeks of being back in school, I think I'm somewhat normal again. I still have my days where I feel like I'm not there, and sort of withdrawn.